\n <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\n
\n ”
\n <\/i>
\n Society can be very cruel to children. Neighbors or relatives may insult them or put them down, or mock one of the parents so as to disgrace them in the eyes of the child. Even grandparents are capable of such behavior, and it can be very damaging to a child psychologically”\n<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n \u201dJust one sentence could silence me\u2014your mother is an Armenian!\u0094\u201d
\n <\/i>
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n
\n Sofia has lived in Europe for 11 years. Her mother stayed behind in Baku, despite everything. Sofia says her mother’s loving character triumphed over her \u0093origins\u0094.\n<\/p>\n
\n \u0093\u201dOur relatives love her, despite everything. Interestingly, they say, ‘we love your mother, but all of the Armenians are our enemies’.\u0094\u201d Over time, Sofia has made peace with this situation:\n<\/p>\n
\n \u201c\u0093Yes, I have found peace. When I was a child, I wanted to kill them for how they acted. Now, I know there are many of them. I can’t hate all of them. I am my own person, and I have learned not to let their hate into my heart. When you try to act normal and interact with people who have nothing to do with this conflict, they immediately try to find something Armenian about you. I will never argue about who is to blame. It’s got nothing to do with my bloodline. But just one thing shuts me down\u2014your mother is an Armenian!\u0094\u201d\n<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n If things had been different\u2026
\n <\/i>
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n
\n In 2005, Sofia left Baku. She tried to find her destiny and future somewhere where she wouldn’t feel sickened when she was called \u2018an Armenian\u2019\u2026\n<\/p>\n
\n \u0093\u201dIf I didn’t have this complex about my ethnicity, I could have been much more confident and open in life. My mind wouldn’t have changed, but they wouldn’t have been able to shut me up and taunt me so easily about my mother being Armenian. This is the kind of slur that crushed everything I wanted in my life into little pieces. Because of this, I ran away.\u0094\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n \n Anna is Abkhaz. She is 55 years old, but looks young for her years and remains very active in public life. This happy, graceful woman was born and raised in Sukhumi. She met her future husband there, too. There is nothing Abkhaz about her husband or his family, but that means nothing to Anna or her family – their relationship is more important to them than the war.\n<\/p>\n \n Anna says that her family is a mix of Georgians and Abkhaz, with Georgian and Abkhaz blood on both sides of the family.\n<\/p>\n \n \n \u201cMy husband’s relatives on his mother\u2019s side are Abkhaz, and they wanted to fight for \u2018their people.\u2019 Some of my relatives decided to fight for the Abkhaz side as well. And naturally, some of the Georgians in our family decided to fight for the Georgian side.\n<\/p>\n \n All of this of course seriously affected our relationship: trust between family members was lost. Everyone had a different experience during the war that affected how they related to the family unit afterwards.\n<\/p>\n \n Abkhaz people are a small community. Everyone knew Anna’s husband was Georgian. Although Anna tried to explain he had nothing to do with the war with the Abkhaz and that he was not guilty. The family situation was getting more difficult with each passing day. Arguments with relatives arose with the differing points of view…\n<\/p>\n \n \n \u201cWe didn’t know anyone there. Tbilisi was a totally foreign place to us. I never hid that I was Abkhaz and I was able to withstand the pressure. Fortunately, Georgians showed a considerable amount of tolerance to Abkhaz migrants because we choose to live there and they treat us like \u2018their own Abkhaz.\u2019 In all of the years we lived in Georgia, just twice did I ever feel offended. The first time was when I brought my children to the hospital. I started speaking Russian. The receptionist began yelling at me when she figured out that I was Abkhaz, but another woman in front of me defended me. She told the other woman, ‘the war started with Abkhazia because of nationalists like you.\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cThe second time was when I went to get social assistance. At that time, they were giving everything to immigrants, but when they learned I was Abkhaz, some of them objected. ‘We lost our loved ones there, and this person came here to get help anyway,’ they said. They said, ‘you have no right to be here,’ but there was someone there who spoke up for me then, too.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n \n \u201cMy husband speaks to them in Georgian, and I speak to them in Russian. They have never hidden that they’re Abkhaz. They want to see Abkhazia very much. Not to live there, but as tourists. We keep in touch with our relatives by internet and phone.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n \n \u201cWe had been living well when the USSR started to crumble, despite the fact that my husband had always criticized the USSR. He was happy to support Gamsakhurdia’s actions at the time. He believed it was a good thing for Georgia\u2026\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cWar knocked on our door in the form of a referendum. In that referendum, people had to vote in favor or against the USSR. I voted in favor of an alliance because the new government, thinking that if it weren’t an alliance, issues of nationalist aspirations would become highly problematic. ‘Georgia for Georgians’ was the slogan of Gamsakhurdia\u2019s followers. I was worried about my children, so my vote [against Gamsakhurdia] was a blow to my husband. It was the first time we had a real difference of opinion. I viewed Zviad (Gamsakhurdia) as a fascist – but my husband wouldn\u2019t accept it. It was the moment I discovered that my soul mate had a different opinion than me. It was weird for him, too.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n Despite their differing opinions, they succeed in saving their family in this environment.\n<\/p>\n \n Anna\u2019s husband refused to become a soldier:\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cYou could have locked me up or shot me, I wasn\u2019t about to fight in that war because half of my family are Abkhaz. We had always said that our family and children came first. Whatever our political opinion was was irrelevant. If anything were to go wrong, we\u2019d be there for each other \u2013 not for the politicians. We figured this out after we had a bad argument. We had a fight, and we resolved it in a peaceful way. This problem lasted until the end of the war, and the solution was found years later when we moved to Tbilisi.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n When asked if she knew of any other families with a similar make – up, Anna responded:\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cYes, I do. There aren’t a lot of them here. They’re immigrants like me or their husbands bring them here. Some of them have broken up. Those who had a strong relationship survived the war. War makes a weak relationship even weaker. There are some women whose husbands went to fight. They suffered much more. It’s a very deep pain for those families. Their relationships with their relatives in Abkhazia were almost destroyed, too. They accused these women of being traitors in Abkhazia, but even after the war, Georgian-Abkhaz marriages happen in Abkhazia. Mostly, Abkhaz men marry Georgian women.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n But despite all those tough years and problems, Anna hasn’t changed her mind. She’s still sure if you want to marry the person you love, you shouldn’t focus on their nationality.\n<\/p>\n \n \n \u201cWhen you decide to marry a person, nationality is not the reason. Personality is the deciding factor. Most importantly are his or her values and whether they coincide to a degree with yours. I think marrying someone specifically for their ethnicity is silly.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n \n Elene Natenadze has been working with a peace – building organization for more than 10 years. According to her, Georgian-Abkhaz families made up 40% of the total population of mixed families in Abkhazia. This number is telling, she says. According to her, in the restoration of peace between the two nations, there is often mention of how mixed marriages are useful, but this is clearly untrue.\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cThe members of a mixed family avoid entering into discussions in order to avoid raising tensions. At present, Abkhaz families from Sukhumi which have no foreign members act skeptical to mixed Abkhaz families living in Tbilisi’s immigrant areas.\n<\/p>\n \n Abkhaz people trust ethnicity. They don’t trust ‘foreign family members’ and don’t give them stature or a position of authority. Having a foreigner in the family creates a feeling of insecurity to a native Abkhaz person. Actually, neither Georgian nor Abkhaz societies would accept those outsiders as their own, or trust them,\u201d says Natenadze.\n<\/p>\n \n According to the Director of the Caucasus Institute for Regional Security, Aleksander Rusetski, conflict negatively affects the family dynamic in mixed marriages.\u00a0 These marriages have become rarer due to the war.\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cWe can divide these family members into categories; first\u2014they’re indifferent to the conflict, that is, the conflict doesn’t affect them very much. Second\u2014they obstruct peacekeeping efforts. Sometimes these family members feel ethnically alienated and may act aggressively and destructively. As the saying goes, they can become more Catholic than the Pope. There’s a third category, too\u2014they believe they are the special envoy between the two cultures and feel honored by the position. These people try to use their origins for the betterment of society at large as well as their own ethnic group. We have been studying the potential of these \u2018peacekeepers\u2019 and how to use those resources, to figure out how to convert them into conflict – resolution sources,\u201d says Rusetski.\n<\/p>\n \n \n \n Felix is a dedicated athletics coach from Armenia. He is 77 years old, blue eyed and tall. Felix lives in Etchmiatzin, 20 km outside of Armenia’s capital, Yerevan. His wife, Julietta, grows colorful flowers in their garden. He has a barbell next to his Mulberry tree. Every day at 6 o’clock, Felix does his morning exercises there.\n<\/p>\n \n On his work desk, magazines, albums, newspapers a lot of medals and awards can be seen, including books by Sigmund Freud.\n<\/p>\n \n There is a corner in Felix’s house where he lovingly keeps his family’s portrait. His mother, Yepraksya Danielyan and his father… Asker Aliyev…\n<\/p>\n \n \n For the last 46 years, Felix Aliyev has worked at a weight lifting school in Geghanist village, which is five kilometers away from Etchmiatzin. He has 50 students. He has trained a few generations of students. He has trained 34 professional sportsmen, 8 international sportsmen, and candidates to become professional athletes.\n<\/p>\n \n When Felix Aliyev starts talking about his own story, his tears make his blue eyes bluer than normal…\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cMy father’s side is Iranian Azerbaijani. My father was a famous clarinet player. They knew him very well and respected him in Etchmiatzin. They hired him for weddings, birthdays, funerals,\u201d he recalls. He has still kept his father’s musical instruments.\n<\/p>\n \n Felix Aliyev’s wife, 68 years old, Julieta Yenokyan, is Armenian. She has an elegant profile, radiates serenity and her eyes always smile. They invited us to a cup of coffee and began to tell us how they avoided problems throughout the Armenian-Azerbaijani conflict and how they have managed to save their family.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cOur standard of living was very good. We raised three children; two girls and a boy. When the conflict started, my father-in-law took it hard, but our neighbors and friends told him, ‘Ali Jan, (Jan is a friendly term and one of respect in both Armenia and Azerbaijan) you’re a good man; don’t worry. We won’t let anyone hurt you, no one will harm a hair on your head!’\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cAnd really, no one touched our family,\u201d Julieta added.\n<\/p>\n \n Felix Aliyev didn’t change his last name, didn’t abandon his family or emigrate to another country. His son and grandchildren kept the Aliyev name.\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cIf I had changed my last name, I would have lost my self-respect. I am carrying the last name of my father, and I wasn\u2019t about to run away or emigrate out of Armenia. This is my country. Only weak people abandon their families.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n Felix didn’t even think of leaving the country during the more difficult days of the Armenian-Azerbaijani conflict, but he agrees it was the darkest period of his life. His students were afraid he would be attacked by nationalists, and so always accompanied their coach home after training.\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cCan you imagine? Living in Armenia with an Azerbaijani last name during the times of the Sumgayit Pogrom? If it hadn\u2019t been for my students, I might have considered leaving. They supported me unconditionally, but there was no need for it. I am a very well – respected person here, and I don\u2019t think anyone would have had the courage to try and attack me\u2026\u201d he says with pride.\n<\/p>\n \n Felix and Julieta have two daughters, both of them married and both living in Etchmiatzin. His son is a professional weight lifter, Vladik Aliyev, and lives in Ukraine. They have five grandchildren. Vladik’s son\u2014Felix Aliyev Jr\u2014was the junior weight lifting champion in Ukraine in 2015.\n<\/p>\n \n His wife Julieta says proudly: \u201cThe Armenian-Azerbaijani conflict changed everything, but not our family. If I had had a family with an Armenian, I wouldn’t have been as happy as I am with Felix. He’s a very good person; I’m very happy with him.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n The couple thinks that unless both countries get rid of their current leadership, there will be no solution to the conflict…\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cMaybe after Ilham Aliyev and Serzh Sargysian are gone… Maybe after them we can find a solution, but with these two in power – never.\u201d\n<\/p>\n \n For Felix, the saddest thing for him is the Karabakh war and the soldiers stationed on the border. While discussing the latest news from the front, he mentioned his concern for the safety of the soldiers – some of his students and his two grandsons will soon go enter the military:\n<\/p>\n \n \u201cFive of my students are serving along the border. One of them will be back in two or three days. Soon, it will be time for summer military mobilization. Think about how worried and upset I am. I don’t know what to say. During the four day war, one of my students told me, ‘I have decided to go fight by myself\u2026\u2019 I tried convincing him otherwise, but his heart was set on it\u2026”\n<\/p>\n \n Writers from the three South Caucasus countries on marrying and living with ‘the enemy.’<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":60076,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_sitemap_exclude":false,"_sitemap_priority":"","_sitemap_frequency":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-177334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","infinite-scroll-item","generate-columns","tablet-grid-50","mobile-grid-100","grid-parent","grid-33","no-featured-image-padding"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\n
\n Georgia
\n <\/i>
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n
\n
\n But when the war began, all of them felt the need to take sides.
\n <\/i>
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n
\n
\n After the war, the family moved to Tbilisi, because staying in Abkhazia was too difficult for Anna and her husband, Otari. Not to mention their mixed children\u2026
\n <\/i>
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n
\n Anna says they raised their children in a mixed culture, but in reality, they are Georgian…
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n
\n
\n Despite strong love and loyalty between Anna and her family, they have differences, too.
\n <\/i>
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n
\n Anna has a 28 year old daughter who works in advertising. Her 29 year old son works in construction. They are both single, but it’s not a problem for Anna if her children get married to someone of a different nationality.
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n
\n \u201c…Neither Georgian nor Abkhaz society would totally accept those people or trust them.\u201d – an expert\u2019s opinion
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n
\n <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\n
\n Armenia
\n <\/i>
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n
\n \u201cI didn’t change anything; neither my Azerbaijani surname nor my country, Armenia.\u201d
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n
\n Felix Aliyev is half Azerbaijani.
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n
\n Gunel Movlud (Azerbaijan)
\n <\/i>
\n
\n
\n Edita Badasyan (Georgia)
\n <\/i>
\n
\n
\n Gayane Mkrtchyan (Armenia)
\n <\/i>
\n
\n
\n Gunduz Aghayev (Illustrations)
\n <\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"