{"id":178962,"date":"2016-09-18T23:55:46","date_gmt":"2016-09-18T23:55:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.meydan.tv\/article\/birden-anladim-ki-boyuk-otaqda-sikest-ve-tek-qalmisam\/"},"modified":"2016-09-18T23:55:46","modified_gmt":"2016-09-18T23:55:46","slug":"birden-anladim-ki-boyuk-otaqda-sikest-ve-tek-qalmisam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.meydan.tv\/az\/article\/birden-anladim-ki-boyuk-otaqda-sikest-ve-tek-qalmisam\/","title":{"rendered":"”Bird\u0259n anlad\u0131m ki, b\u00f6y\u00fck otaqda \u015fik\u0259st v\u0259 t\u0259k qalm\u0131\u015fam…”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n \"Nazl\u0131
\n Nazl\u0131 A\u011fayeva
\n <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\n \"Nazl\u0131
\n Nazl\u0131 A\u011fayeva
\n <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\n
\n Nazl\u0131 A\u011fayeva: “Bu ya\u015fda paytaxta \u00fcz tutub, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc t\u0259sdiq etm\u0259kd\u0259n s\u00f6hb\u0259t ged\u0259 bilm\u0259z”
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Az\u0259rbaycanda paytaxt v\u0259 b\u00f6lg\u0259l\u0259r aras\u0131nda olan ya\u015fay\u0131\u015f, rifah, infrastruktur f\u0259rqinin k\u0259skinliyi b\u0259zi probleml\u0259r yarad\u0131r. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, b\u00f6lg\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259 qazanc yerl\u0259ri il\u0259 yana\u015f\u0131, m\u0259d\u0259ni-sosial h\u0259yat\u0131n dem\u0259k olar ki, yoxlu\u011fu, \u0259yal\u0259tl\u0259rd\u0259n paytaxta sonsuz bir beyin ax\u0131n\u0131na s\u0259b\u0259b olur. B\u00f6lg\u0259l\u0259rin intellaktual, yarad\u0131c\u0131 insanlar\u0131 \u00f6zl\u0259rini ifad\u0259 etm\u0259yin t\u0259k yolunu paytaxta k\u00f6\u00e7m\u0259kd\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcrl\u0259r.
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Amma qalanlar da olur. Bu f\u0259dakar v\u0259 m\u00f6hk\u0259m insanlar \u00f6z do\u011fma b\u00f6lg\u0259l\u0259rini u\u011fur qazanmaq namin\u0259 olsa bel\u0259, t\u0259rk etm\u0259kd\u0259n imtina edirl\u0259r. Beyinl\u0259rini, ziyalar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6z rayonlar\u0131, k\u0259ndl\u0259rind\u0259 saxlay\u0131r, onlarla eyni h\u0259yat\u0131, taleyi ya\u015fayan insanlara d\u0259st\u0259k olurlar. Publisist Nazl\u0131 A\u011fayeva da bel\u0259 insanlardand\u0131r.
\n <\/b>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n – Nazl\u0131 xan\u0131m, \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fczd\u0259n bir az dan\u0131\u015f\u0131n. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, nec\u0259 bir ail\u0259niz, u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z, g\u0259ncliyiniz olub? V\u0259 u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n, g\u0259ncliyinizin Q\u0259b\u0259l\u0259si il\u0259 indinin Q\u0259b\u0259l\u0259sini n\u0259l\u0259r ay\u0131r\u0131r?
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n

\n \u2013 Rayonda \u0259n ucqar k\u0259ndin b\u00f6y\u00fck ail\u0259l\u0259rinin birind\u0259 do\u011fulmu\u015fam. M\u0259n q\u0131zlardan \u0259n ki\u00e7iyi idim. M\u0259nd\u0259n sonra is\u0259 yaln\u0131z bir qarda\u015f\u0131m olub. Qalanlar bizd\u0259n \u00e7ox b\u00f6y\u00fck idil\u0259r. Biz u\u015faq olanda \u0259rd\u0259 bac\u0131lar\u0131m, evli qarda\u015f\u0131m vard\u0131. K\u0259ndimiz fermadan, \u0259kin sah\u0259l\u0259rind\u0259n ibar\u0259t tipik sovet k\u0259ndi idi. O k\u0259ndin u\u015faqlar\u0131 analar\u0131n\u0131n dal\u0131nca fermaya, atalar\u0131n\u0131n dal\u0131nca mal-qara otarma\u011fa ged\u0259-ged\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fcrd\u00fcl\u0259r. Bo\u015f vaxtlar\u0131nda m\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 ged\u0259n u\u015faqlara \u00e7ox vaxt bizd\u0259 olan bibim o\u011flu v\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck qarda\u015f\u0131m d\u0259rs deyirdil\u0259r. B\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcn\u00fc evd\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm “b\u00f6y\u00fck u\u015faqlar\u0131n” qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda dinm\u0259z oturmaq r\u0259smiyy\u0259tind\u0259n s\u0131x\u0131lsam da, m\u0259kt\u0259bi \u00e7ox sevirdim. \u00c7\u00fcnki evd\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fckl\u0259rin buyruqlar\u0131na qatla\u015fmaq i\u015fg\u0259nc\u0259 idi. Amma m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olan b\u00fct\u00fcn yerl\u0259rimd\u0259 gizl\u0259tdiyim kitablarla bu i\u015fg\u0259nc\u0259ni s\u0131f\u0131ra endirirdim. F\u00fcrs\u0259t tapd\u0131qca, erk\u0259n ya\u015flar\u0131mdan d\u00fcnya \u0259d\u0259biyyat\u0131n\u0131n \u0259lim\u0259 \u00e7atan b\u00fct\u00fcn n\u00fcmun\u0259l\u0259rini oxumu\u015fdum. Ba\u015fqa q\u0131zlar kimi toylara getm\u0259zdim, bac\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131n u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131 saxlama\u011fa ged\u0259nd\u0259 d\u0259, insanlar\u0131n ortal\u0131qda oynamaqlar\u0131ndan utan\u0131rd\u0131m, \u0259sas da ki, ortada \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcnk\u00fcl\u0259r olanda qa\u00e7\u0131b gizl\u0259n\u0259rdim. \u0130ndiki Q\u0259b\u0259l\u0259 o zaman Qutqa\u015f\u0131n idi. T\u00fck\u0259nm\u0259kd\u0259 olan bizim n\u0259sil \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 d\u0259 Qutqa\u015f\u0131n kimi qalacaq. M\u0259nim u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n, g\u0259ncliyimin ke\u00e7diyi Qutqa\u015f\u0131n\u0131 indinin Q\u0259b\u0259l\u0259sind\u0259n ki\u00e7ikli-b\u00f6y\u00fckl\u00fc basmaq\u0259lib adamlar ay\u0131r\u0131r. Biz bel\u0259 \u015f\u00fckran v\u0259 laqeyd deyildik.\n<\/p>\n

\n \u2013
\n
\n Ad\u0259t\u0259n savadl\u0131, bacar\u0131ql\u0131 insanlar x\u00fcsusil\u0259 d\u0259 g\u0259nclikl\u0259rind\u0259 paytaxta g\u0259lm\u0259k, \u00f6zl\u0259rini paytaxtda t\u0259sdiq etm\u0259k ist\u0259yirl\u0259r. Nec\u0259 oldu ki, \u0259yal\u0259td\u0259 qalma\u011f\u0131 se\u00e7diniz?
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n

\n \u2013 \u0130nan\u0131n ki, g\u0259ncliyimd\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc t\u0259sdiq etm\u0259k bar\u0259d\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259 vaxt tapm\u0131rd\u0131m. Evimizin s\u0131ravisi olsam da, b\u00fct\u00fcn qay\u011f\u0131lar\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na at\u0131l\u0131b, n\u0259s\u0259 etm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. Himay\u0259sind\u0259ki yetim bac\u0131lar\u0131na v\u0259 quca\u011f\u0131ndak\u0131 k\u00f6rp\u0259sin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 (bac\u0131m\u0131n atas\u0131 q\u0259fil v\u0259fat edibmi\u015f) \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u011f\u0131r ail\u0259d\u0259 daim oda-k\u00f6z\u0259 vuran anam\u0131 azca olsa da, xo\u015fb\u0259xt etm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn… \u018fslind\u0259, m\u0259n h\u0259r\u0259si t\u0259xmin\u0259n iyirmi il ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f nakam xalalar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015fdim. Bac\u0131m da m\u0259n do\u011fulan ill\u0259rd\u0259 \u0259r\u0259 getmi\u015fdi. Amma anam\u0131n z\u0259rif v\u0259 z\u0259if can\u0131nda bu travmalar \u0259b\u0259di ya\u015fay\u0131rd\u0131. H\u0259r\u00e7\u0259nd atam v\u0259 evin birinci qad\u0131n\u0131 o yetim q\u0131zlar\u0131 da, anam\u0131n k\u00f6rp\u0259sini d\u0259 \u00f6vladlar\u0131 kimi sevmi\u015fdil\u0259r. Amma f\u0259l\u0259k anam\u0131n c\u0259zas\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6m\u00fcrl\u00fck k\u0259s\u0259r\u0259k, onu daimi bir pe\u015fmanl\u0131q i\u00e7ind\u0259 g\u00f6yn\u0259dirdi. \u00c7\u00fcnki m\u0259nim ip\u0259k anam \u0259n \u00e7ar\u0259siz v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 bel\u0259, kims\u0259nin haqq\u0131na girm\u0259yi \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamazd\u0131.\n<\/p>\n

\n Atam\u0131 v\u0259 o m\u00f6ht\u0259\u015f\u0259m qad\u0131n\u0131 \u2013 bizim b\u00f6y\u00fck anam\u0131z\u0131 itirdikd\u0259n sonra o k\u0259ndd\u0259 v\u0259 o evd\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 yer tapa bilm\u0259y\u0259n anam\u0131 yerli q\u0259zetd\u0259 q\u0131\u015fda ocaq\u00e7\u0131, yayda xadim\u0259 \u015ftat\u0131 il\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259diyim rayon m\u0259rk\u0259zin\u0259 apard\u0131m. O vaxtdan anamla b\u0259rab\u0259r \u00e7\u0259tin, lakin m\u0259nal\u0131 bir h\u0259yata ba\u015flad\u0131q. \u018fvv\u0259ll\u0259r rayondan anama g\u00f6r\u0259 ayr\u0131la bilm\u0259diyimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Zaman ke\u00e7dikc\u0259 bunun b\u0259han\u0259 oldu\u011funu anlad\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnki anam yuvas\u0131ndan qopmu\u015fdusa, \u0259yal\u0259t, yaxud paytaxt onun \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn f\u0259rq el\u0259m\u0259zdi. \u00dcst\u0259lik, \u015f\u0259rait\u0259 m\u0259nd\u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 uy\u011funla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Dem\u0259k ki, m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259ymi\u015f. \u00c7\u00fcnki art\u0131q alt\u0131 ildir anam yoxdur. M\u0259ni bu yerl\u0259rd\u0259 tutacaq he\u00e7 bir s\u0259b\u0259b qalmasa da, h\u0259l\u0259 bu i\u015f\u011fal \u015f\u0259h\u0259rd\u0259 \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcm\u0259kd\u0259y\u0259m. T\u0259bii ki, daha bu ya\u015fda paytaxta \u00fcz tutub, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc t\u0259sdiq etm\u0259kd\u0259n s\u00f6hb\u0259t ged\u0259 bilm\u0259z, sad\u0259c\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc t\u0259slim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn getm\u0259k olar.\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n \u2013 Qad\u0131n…yazmaq, ictimai h\u0259yatda olmaq. Bunlar n\u0259inki rayon yerind\u0259, b\u0259z\u0259n he\u00e7 Az\u0259rbaycan\u0131n b\u00f6y\u00fck \u015f\u0259h\u0259rl\u0259rind\u0259 d\u0259 normal q\u0259bul olunmur. Sizs\u0259 bu h\u0259yat\u0131 \u0259yal\u0259td\u0259 ya\u015fay\u0131rs\u0131z. N\u0259s\u0259 narahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131 varm\u0131?
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n

\n \u2013 \u018fyal\u0259td\u0259 n\u0259inki yazmaq, ictimai h\u0259yatda olmaq, sad\u0259c\u0259 \u015f\u00fcurlu qad\u0131n olmaq kifay\u0259tdir ki, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 daha ba\u015fqa b\u0259la axtarmayasan. N\u0259 var-n\u0259 var, hans\u0131sa \u0259tt\u00f6k\u0259n standartlara cavab verm\u0259k ist\u0259mirs\u0259n. Vay, yaz\u0131q! \u018fyal\u0259t qaymaqlar\u0131n\u0131n dilin\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u0259n kimi kitab\u0131n ba\u011flanacaq. M\u00fc\u0259llim\u0259l\u0259r an\u0131nda \u00fcnsiyy\u0259td\u0259 oldu\u011fun, \u00fcr\u0259k q\u0131zd\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n h\u0259r ki\u015fini \u015f\u0259xsi hesab\u0131na yaz\u0131b, \u0259xlaq\u015f\u00fcv\u0259nlik ed\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r. S\u0259n\u0259 yaratd\u0131qlar\u0131 “bulan\u0131q” fonda \u00f6zl\u0259rinin n\u00fcmun\u0259vi t\u0259miz qad\u0131n olduqlar\u0131n\u0131 qabartmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn dondan-dona gir\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r. M\u00fc\u0259lliml\u0259r salamla\u015fark\u0259n \u0259lini ovuclar\u0131nda saxlay\u0131b, \u0259traf\u0131n s\u0259nin kimi istedadl\u0131 xan\u0131m\u0131 anlamamas\u0131ndan k\u0259d\u0259rl\u0259ndikl\u0259rini s\u00f6yl\u0259y\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r. G\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7in\u0259 baxaraq, \u0259yal\u0259t h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131n nec\u0259 s\u0131x\u0131c\u0131 oldu\u011fundan \u015fikay\u0259tl\u0259n\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r. S\u0259n g\u00f6zl\u0259nil\u0259n reaksiyan\u0131 verm\u0259yib, be\u015f add\u0131m uzaqla\u015fmam\u0131\u015f rastlar\u0131na \u00e7\u0131xan ilk tan\u0131\u015fa g\u00f6z vurub, arxanca s\u00f6zl\u00fc-s\u00f6zl\u00fc el\u0259 baxacaqlar ki, bir az \u0259vv\u0259l guya burda gec\u0259l\u0259m\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn otel se\u00e7imi-zad gedirdi.\n<\/p>\n

\n M\u0259n uzun ill\u0259r bu \u0259yal\u0259t “kino”sunun i\u00e7ind\u0259 olmu\u015fam. B\u00f6y\u00fck bir rayonun t\u0259k mirz\u0259si olub d\u0259rdini, problemini yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m adamlar\u0131n \u0259slind\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259li kimi baxd\u0131qlar\u0131n\u0131 bil\u0259-bil\u0259 qap\u0131m\u0131 onlar\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 ba\u011flamam\u0131\u015fam. Hans\u0131sa s\u0259rt yaz\u0131dan sonra \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7evirib ged\u0259nl\u0259ri sonradan utanmas\u0131nlar dey\u0259 g\u00f6rm\u0259zd\u0259n g\u0259lmi\u015f\u0259m. M\u0259nd\u0259n sonrak\u0131lar\u0131n daha sivil \u015f\u0259rtl\u0259rl\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fd\u0131qlar\u0131na v\u0259 qar\u0131la\u015facaqlar\u0131na \u0259min\u0259m. N\u0259 d\u0259 olsa, art\u0131q internet \u0259sridir, \u0259yal\u0259t d\u0259 bu bax\u0131mdan \u00e7ox d\u0259yi\u015fib.\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n \u2013 Siz h\u0259m sovet, h\u0259m ke\u00e7id d\u00f6vr\u00fc, h\u0259m d\u0259 m\u00fcasir d\u00f6vr\u00fcn jurnalistikas\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcz. H\u0259r \u00fc\u00e7 d\u00f6vr\u0259 q\u0131sa qiym\u0259tl\u0259ndirm\u0259 ver\u0259 bil\u0259rsinizmi?
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n

\n \u2013 Sovet d\u00f6vr\u00fcnd\u0259 pafos var idis\u0259 d\u0259, \u0259ks\u0259r auditoriyalar \u0259sl s\u00f6zd\u0259n \u00f6tr\u00fc hay\u0131l-may\u0131l olurdular. Sanball\u0131 yaz\u0131lar \u0259l-\u0259l g\u0259zib t\u0259krar-t\u0259krar m\u00fczakir\u0259 edilirdi.\n<\/p>\n

\n Ke\u00e7id d\u00f6vr\u00fcnd\u0259 d\u00fcn\u0259nki “yolda\u015f”dan ert\u0259si g\u00fcn isti-isti “b\u0259y” kimi yazma\u011f\u0131n \u00e7a\u015fq\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ya\u015fan\u0131rd\u0131. Biz bir n\u00f6v hadis\u0259l\u0259rin ax\u0131n\u0131nda itib-batmamaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7abalayard\u0131q.\n<\/p>\n

\n M\u00fcasir jurnalistikan\u0131n texniki imkanlar\u0131 \u00e7oxdur, hay\u0131f ki, h\u0259min quru v\u0259 soyuq imkanlar b\u0259z\u0259n m\u0259n\u0259vi t\u0259r\u0259fi dondurur. Operativlik bax\u0131m\u0131ndan m\u00fcsb\u0259t ir\u0259lil\u0259yi\u015fdir, sad\u0259c\u0259 pe\u015f\u0259karl\u0131q, s\u0259viyy\u0259 arxa plandad\u0131r.\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n \u2013 \u0130nsanlar n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r dinc, etirazs\u0131z h\u0259yat ya\u015fasalar, ham\u0131n\u0131 da bu h\u0259yata d\u0259v\u0259t ets\u0259l\u0259r d\u0259, ba\u015flar\u0131na bir i\u015f g\u0259l\u0259n kimi, rayondak\u0131 bir-iki m\u00fcxalif\u0259t\u00e7inin yan\u0131na p\u0259nah apar\u0131rlar. Rayonun ictimai h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 bil\u0259n bir ziyal\u0131 kimi bu fikirl\u0259 raz\u0131s\u0131n\u0131zm\u0131?
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n

\n \u2013 Amma bir az x\u0259lv\u0259t p\u0259nah apar\u0131rlar, \u0259g\u0259r ordan bir \u015fey \u00e7\u0131xmasa, yenid\u0259n h\u00f6kum\u0259t\u0259 \u00fcz tutacaqlar. Ki, b\u0259s tutaq ki, h\u0259min Nazl\u0131 m\u0259ni sizd\u0259n yazmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn tovlad\u0131rd\u0131. Amma g\u00f6r\u00fcrs\u00fcz, m\u0259n sizin yan\u0131n\u0131zdayam. Adam\u0131n i\u015fi d\u00fcz\u0259lir, bu da bir \u015feydi… T\u0259bii, istisnalar da olur. S\u0259nin vaxt\u0131n\u0131n v\u0259 \u00f6z m\u0259nliyinin d\u0259y\u0259rini bil\u0259nl\u0259r m\u0259d\u0259ni v\u0259 t\u0259vaz\u00f6kar \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 m\u00fcarci\u0259t edirl\u0259r. Amma ham\u0131s\u0131nda s\u0259nin bunu el\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 borcun varm\u0131\u015f kimi bir yana\u015fma hiss olunur.\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n \u2013 H\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 az\u0259rbaycanl\u0131 bir jurnalist, q\u0259l\u0259m adam\u0131 kimi qurdu\u011funuzu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrs\u00fcn\u00fczm\u00fc? Sizc\u0259, h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131zda n\u0259l\u0259r daha f\u0259rqli ola bil\u0259rdi? V\u0259 bu f\u0259rqli ola bilib, amma olmayanlar sizin \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fczd\u0259n, yoxsa ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z \u00f6lk\u0259d\u0259ki \u015f\u0259rtl\u0259rd\u0259n as\u0131l\u0131 idi?
\n <\/i>\n<\/p>\n

\n \u2013 H\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131n yarad\u0131c\u0131 hiss\u0259sind\u0259 c\u00fczi bir \u015feyl\u0259r al\u0131n\u0131b kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr. Bunu s\u0259kkiz il \u0259vv\u0259l d\u00fc\u00e7ar oldu\u011fum d\u0259h\u015f\u0259tli q\u0259zadan sonra hiss etdim. X\u0259st\u0259xanadan ev\u0259 g\u0259tirildiyim vaxtlar ziyar\u0259t\u00e7il\u0259rim i\u00e7\u0259ri ke\u00e7m\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn n\u00f6vb\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259yirdil\u0259r. Dem\u0259k d\u0259 birt\u0259h\u0259r \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r, amma inan\u0131n ki, onlar\u0131n ham\u0131s\u0131 m\u00fcxt\u0259lif vaxtlarda qazand\u0131\u011f\u0131m oxucular\u0131md\u0131.\n<\/p>\n

\n G\u0259nc ya\u015flar\u0131mda ail\u0259 qurmaq x\u0259yallar\u0131m\u0131 yazmaq h\u0259v\u0259si, i\u015fl\u0259m\u0259k t\u0259l\u0259bi \u00fcst\u0259l\u0259di. Anamla ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ill\u0259rd\u0259 is\u0259 \u0259traf\u0131m\u0131zdak\u0131 \u00e7oxlu do\u011fmalar\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 ail\u0259 hesab etm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnki onlar\u0131n h\u0259r birinin h\u0259yat\u0131nda bacard\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan d\u0259rin-dayaz bir izim vard\u0131. Anam sanki m\u0259ni d\u00fcnyaya ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n \u0259skikl\u0259rini doldurmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn g\u0259tirmi\u015fdi v\u0259 \u0259n \u0259sas\u0131 da m\u0259n bundan m\u0259mnun idim. \u018fvv\u0259l o l\u0259n\u0259t q\u0259za, ard\u0131nca o q\u0259zan\u0131 qald\u0131ra bilm\u0259y\u0259n anam\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc h\u0259r \u015feyi d\u0259yi\u015fdi. Bax, onda bird\u0259n anlad\u0131m ki, \u00e7ox vaxt gec\u0259l\u0259r yatma\u011fa yer tapmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m b\u00f6y\u00fck otaqda \u015fik\u0259st v\u0259 t\u0259k qalm\u0131\u015fam. Hans\u0131 ki, f\u0259rqli yollar da vard\u0131. Sad\u0259c\u0259 m\u0259n o yollardan ke\u00e7m\u0259dim. Anamdan s\u00f6vq-t\u0259bii \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc h\u0259sr etm\u0259yi \u00f6yr\u0259nib, bunu daha u\u011furla v\u0259 geni\u015f auditoriyalara t\u0259tbiq etm\u0259y\u0259 nail oldum. \u0130\u00e7imd\u0259n bir hiss deyir ki, \u0259g\u0259r f\u0259rqli h\u0259yat\u0131m olsayd\u0131, (\u0259n az\u0131ndan YAP qad\u0131nlar \u015f\u00fcras\u0131n\u0131n s\u0259dri kimi, m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n) \u00e7oxsayl\u0131 do\u011fmalar\u0131mdan ayr\u0131 d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259zdim. Amma bu q\u0259d\u0259r sevdiyim v\u0259 m\u0259ni t\u0259m\u0259nnas\u0131z sev\u0259n ist\u0259kli, \u0259ziz, f\u0259dakar dostlar\u0131m da olmazd\u0131. He\u00e7 m\u0259n d\u0259 bu g\u00f6z\u0259l, s\u0259mimi tribunada olmazd\u0131m.\n<\/p>\n

\n Bu g\u00fcn se\u00e7diyim, ke\u00e7diyim yollara baxanda m\u0259mnunam dey\u0259 lov\u011falana bilmir\u0259m, amma \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 sual ver\u0259nd\u0259 ki, “b\u0259s onda kim olacaqd\u0131n”, o saat a\u011fl\u0131ma v\u0259zif\u0259 k\u00fcrs\u00fcl\u0259rind\u0259 \u00f6zl\u0259rini tutan, \u00f6zg\u0259l\u0259ri tutduran imkanl\u0131, t\u0259mt\u0259raql\u0131, saxta m\u00fc\u0259llim\u0259l\u0259r g\u0259lir… O andaca zaman\u0131n v\u0259 \u00f6lk\u0259 adlanan amans\u0131z m\u0259kan\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn a\u011f\u0131r, h\u0259tta d\u00f6z\u00fclm\u0259z \u015f\u0259rtl\u0259rin\u0259 r\u0259\u011fm\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 itirm\u0259diyim\u0259 sevinir\u0259m. H\u0259tta m\u0259nim kimi k\u0259d\u0259rli adam sevindir\u0259 bilirs\u0259, bunun z\u0259if d\u0259 olsa m\u00fcsb\u0259t bir \u015fey oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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