{"id":166677,"date":"2015-01-31T02:23:12","date_gmt":"2015-01-31T02:23:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.meydan.tv\/article\/heyat-oldugu-kimi\/"},"modified":"2015-01-31T02:23:12","modified_gmt":"2015-01-31T02:23:12","slug":"heyat-oldugu-kimi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.meydan.tv\/az\/article\/heyat-oldugu-kimi\/","title":{"rendered":"H\u0259yat oldu\u011fu kimi"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n Bu, nekroloq deyil. M\u0259n Araz\u0131n ad g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259 R\u0259\u015fad\u0259t haqq\u0131nda yazm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnki, Araz \u00f6z\u00fc o yaz\u0131n\u0131 oxumayacaqd\u0131. \u0130brahim day\u0131 \u00f6l\u0259nd\u0259n sonra da \u015eahin haqq\u0131nda yazmaq q\u0259rar\u0131na g\u0259ldim.
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\n Lap ba\u015fdan ba\u015flay\u0131m. 2013-c\u00fc il mart\u0131n 7-d\u0259 nida\u00e7\u0131lar M\u0259h\u0259mm\u0259dl\u0259 B\u0259xtiyar\u0131 axtarma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131lar. Sonra \u00dczeyir dedi ki, \u015eahin Novruzlu adl\u0131 bir g\u0259nc \u00fczv\u00fcm\u00fcz d\u0259 itib (haradan “\u00e7\u0131xd\u0131qlar\u0131n\u0131” bilirsiniz). \u018flb\u0259tt\u0259, valideynl\u0259rl\u0259 \u0259laq\u0259 saxlama\u011fa c\u0259hdl\u0259r g\u00f6st\u0259rdik. \u0130brahim day\u0131 il\u0259 ikinci g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259 m\u0259n d\u0259 getdim. N\u0259 bizi tan\u0131y\u0131rd\u0131, n\u0259 “Nida”n\u0131, n\u0259 d\u0259 o g\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r MTN-i. \u015eahin \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn qorxurdu dey\u0259, v\u0259kil tutma\u011fa raz\u0131 sala bilm\u0259dik. Sonralar da g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fcz n\u0259zak\u0259ti il\u0259, imtina el\u0259di. “Bu da q\u0259nim\u0259tdir” dedik, \u00e7\u00fcnki B\u0259xtiyar\u0131n valideynl\u0259ri \u00e7ox f\u0259rqli davranm\u0131\u015fd\u0131lar, sonralar da bu simalar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6st\u0259rdil\u0259r (Do\u011frudan da, insanlar \u00e7\u0259tin v\u0259ziyy\u0259tl\u0259rd\u0259 nec\u0259 davran\u0131rlarsa, h\u0259m d\u0259 odurlar).\n<\/p>\n

\n \u015eahini ilk d\u0259f\u0259 ya may ay\u0131nda, ya da iyunda g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. M\u0259ni v\u0259kill\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xartm\u0131\u015fd\u0131lar. N\u0259zar\u0259t\u00e7il\u0259r s\u0259hv el\u0259mi\u015fdil\u0259r v\u0259 m\u0259n \u015eahini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, amma tan\u0131mad\u0131m. \u015e\u0259kild\u0259kind\u0259n bir az k\u00f6k idi. Xalid Ba\u011f\u0131rov dedi ki, bu, \u015eahindir. G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. Dedim, \u201cm\u0259ni tan\u0131y\u0131rsan?\u201d. \u201cYox\u201d dedi. \u201cZaur Qurbanl\u0131yam. S\u0259n\u0259 \u201cmolotov\u201d \u201cver\u0259n\u201d o\u011flan\u201d.\n<\/p>\n

\n 2013-c\u00fc ilin sentyabr ay\u0131nda istintaq materiallar\u0131 il\u0259 tan\u0131\u015f olurduq. \u015eahinin qanuni n\u00fcmay\u0259nd\u0259si \u0130brahim day\u0131 da g\u0259lmi\u015fdi. G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fd\u00fck, xeyli dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131q. H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 biz\u0259 deyirdi ki, \u201c\u015eahind\u0259n mu\u011fayat olun, qoymay\u0131n, sizd\u0259n aral\u0131 qals\u0131n\u201d. \u015eahin d\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 u\u015faqlar\u0131n sonradan ona qoyduqlar\u0131 l\u0259q\u0259b\u0259 uy\u011fun, panda kimi q\u0131raqda dururdu. Amma qaynay\u0131b-qar\u0131\u015fd\u0131q d\u00fcnyan\u0131n \u0259n g\u0259nc siyasi m\u0259hbusu il\u0259. G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 utand\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan di\u015fl\u0259rini gizl\u0259dirdi. Qabaqdan \u00fcstd\u0259ki 4 di\u015fini MTN-d\u0259 vurub bo\u015faltm\u0131\u015fd\u0131lar. K\u00fcrd\u0259xan\u0131da d\u00f6rd\u00fc d\u0259 d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc.\n<\/p>\n

\n M\u0259hk\u0259m\u0259miz yar\u0131m il getdi v\u0259 \u0130brahim day\u0131n\u0131n ist\u0259diyi kimi \u015eahin d\u0259 bizl\u0259rd\u0259n biri oldu. Bu ilin, dey\u0259s\u0259n, iyun ay\u0131nda m\u0259ni Tibb M\u0259nt\u0259q\u0259sind\u0259 \u015eahinl\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcrd\u00fcl\u0259r. Yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0259fv \u0259riz\u0259sinin sur\u0259tini g\u00f6st\u0259rdi m\u0259n\u0259. Art\u0131q yaz\u0131b t\u0259hvil vermi\u015fdi. Bir az q\u0131nad\u0131m, bir az \u00fcr\u0259k-dir\u0259k verdim. Appelyasiya m\u0259hk\u0259m\u0259sind\u0259 d\u0259 \u0130brahim day\u0131 ist\u0259diyi kimi idi \u2013 \u015eahin bizim balaca qarda\u015f\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131r.\n<\/p>\n

\n Oktyabr\u0131n 7-si \u00f6z xahi\u015fiml\u0259 v\u0259 \u0130brahim day\u0131n\u0131n m\u00fcraci\u0259tind\u0259n sonra m\u0259ni \u015eahinin kameras\u0131na k\u00f6\u00e7\u00fcrd\u00fcl\u0259r. \u0130kimiz d\u0259 \u00e7ox sevinirdik. Kitab-zad oxumaq olmurdu. B\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcn\u00fc s\u00f6hb\u0259t edir, azadl\u0131q \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn planla\u015fd\u0131rd\u0131qlar\u0131m\u0131zdan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131q. D\u00fcz 8 g\u00fcn bel\u0259c\u0259 \u015fad-x\u00fcrr\u0259m s\u00f6hb\u0259tl\u0259\u015fdik. 12 kv. metr yerd\u0259 futbol oynad\u0131q, dedik-g\u00fcld\u00fck v\u0259 8 g\u00fcnd\u0259 atas\u0131 il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 az\u0131 8 xatir\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131 \u015eahin. Ail\u0259d\u0259 qad\u0131nlar ki\u015fil\u0259rd\u0259n \u00e7ox olanda ata-o\u011ful dostla\u015f\u0131rlar ad\u0259t\u0259n. \u015eahingild\u0259 d\u0259 bel\u0259 idi. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 \u015eahin atas\u0131 il\u0259 17 ilin m\u00f6hk\u0259m dostlar\u0131 idil\u0259r.\n<\/p>\n

\n Oktyabr\u0131n 15-i m\u0259ni v\u0259kil\u0259 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131lar, \u015eahin d\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xacaqd\u0131. V\u0259kil\u0259 ged\u0259nd\u0259 yolda q\u0259zetl\u0259ri paylayan dustaqla rastla\u015fd\u0131m. Dedi, \u201cx\u0259b\u0259rin var? \u015eahinin atas\u0131 r\u0259hm\u0259t\u0259 gedib\u201d. T\u0259bii ki, \u015foka d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. 5 d\u0259qiq\u0259 v\u0259kill\u0259 oturub \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. Yolda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm ki, x\u0259b\u0259ri \u015eahin\u0259 nec\u0259 deyim; deyim, yoxsa dem\u0259yim. Q\u0259rara g\u0259l\u0259 bilm\u0259dim, \u00e7\u00fcnki \u015fokda idim. Sonradan \u00f6yr\u0259ndim ki, onda t\u0259zyiqim s\u00fcr\u0259tl\u0259 qalx\u0131b.\n<\/p>\n

\n M\u0259n kameraya gir\u0259nd\u0259 \u015eahini g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259 aparmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn kameradan \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131rd\u0131lar. Onda onu \u00f6p\u00fcb \u201cs\u0259brli ol\u201d dedim. Kamerada t\u0259k qalanda hiss el\u0259dim ki, dolmu\u015fam, amma a\u011flamad\u0131m. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 v\u0259ziyy\u0259tim pisl\u0259\u015fdi. Hava soyuq idi, ancaq m\u0259n yan\u0131rd\u0131m. Alt paltar\u0131nda a\u00e7\u0131q havaya \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. Yen\u0259 d\u0259 t\u0259rim dayanm\u0131rd\u0131, ax\u015fama yax\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcm qarald\u0131, birt\u0259h\u0259r \u00f6\u00fcm\u00fc tox tutdum.\n<\/p>\n

\n Saat 5-d\u0259 qap\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131, \u015eahin s\u00fcr\u0259tl\u0259 i\u00e7\u0259ri girib \u00e7arpay\u0131s\u0131nda oturdu. Yan\u0131nda oturdum. Dediyim kimi, \u015eahin sakit o\u011fland\u0131r, l\u0259q\u0259bin\u0259 uy\u011fundur. Panda kimi t\u0259nb\u0259l-t\u0259nb\u0259l oturur. N\u0259rd oynayanda da \u0259s\u0259bl\u0259\u015firdim ki, tez ol, \u00fcr\u0259kli ol, z\u0259if at\u0131rsan dey\u0259, z\u0259r d\u0259 vermir. O da deyirdi ki, \u201cm\u0259n t\u0259k olanda saatlarla d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259d\u0259n uzan\u0131b bir n\u00f6qt\u0259y\u0259 baxa bilir\u0259m\u201d. Dedim, \u201cs\u0259n\u0259 panda dey\u0259nd\u0259 incimirs\u0259n?\u201d. Dedi, \u201cyox \u0259\u015fi\u201d. Bu sakit adam \u00e7arpay\u0131da yan\u0131mda oturanda titr\u0259yirdi. Sol qolum da onun \u00e7iynind\u0259 idi. M\u0259n h\u0259l\u0259 bel\u0259 titr\u0259m\u0259 g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015fdim. \u018fsg\u0259rlikd\u0259 haubitsa \u00e7exollar\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda torpaqda yatanda el\u0259 titr\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m ki, di\u015fl\u0259rimin \u015faqq\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131 qula\u011f\u0131m\u0131 de\u015firdi. Amma \u015eahin kimi titr\u0259m\u0259mi\u015fdim, onun sa\u00e7\u0131ndan d\u0131rna\u011f\u0131na q\u0259d\u0259r b\u00fct\u00fcn b\u0259d\u0259ni \u0259sim-\u0259sim \u0259sirdi. G\u00f6zl\u0259ri quru idi. 2-3 damc\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n qaba\u011fa s\u0131\u00e7ray\u0131b quca\u011f\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc. Dedim, \u201ca\u011flamaq ist\u0259yirs\u0259n, a\u011fla\u201d. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yox m\u0259nas\u0131nda yell\u0259yib \u00e7iynim\u0259 qoydu. Sonra d\u00f6n\u00fcb uzand\u0131. 1-2 d\u0259f\u0259 tualet\u0259 getm\u0259k istisna, yerind\u0259n durmad\u0131. T\u0259xmin\u0259n 24 saat.\n<\/p>\n

\n 2 g\u00fcn sonra m\u0259n g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fd\u0259 idim. Qay\u0131danda n\u0259zar\u0259t\u00e7i sevinc\u0259k dedi ki, \u201c\u015ead x\u0259b\u0259rim var. \u015eahin gedir ev\u0259\u201d. Kameraya gir\u0259nd\u0259 \u015eahin da\u011f kimi qalaqlanm\u0131\u015f kitablar\u0131n\u0131 y\u0131\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. Qa\u00e7\u0131b onu qucaqlad\u0131m. Bilmir\u0259m ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259s\u0259 \u00f6pd\u00fcm \u015eahini. M\u0259ni b\u0259rk-b\u0259rk qucaqlasa da, reaksiyas\u0131z durmu\u015fdu qaba\u011f\u0131mda. M\u0259nim sevincim, onun k\u0259d\u0259ri \u2013 otaq a\u011f-qara sovet kinosuna ox\u015fay\u0131rd\u0131.
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\n \u015eahinl\u0259 c\u0259mi 11 g\u00fcn bir yerd\u0259 qald\u0131q. Sevindik, \u201cbrain storm\u201d edib \u00e7oxlu ideya ir\u0259li s\u00fcrd\u00fck, \u00e7oxlu n\u0259rd oynad\u0131q, m\u0259n ateistliyimi, o da inanc\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7oxlu-\u00e7oxlu m\u00fcdafi\u0259 etdik, \u00e7oxlu k\u0259d\u0259rl\u0259ndik, \u00e7oxlu qucaqla\u015fd\u0131q.\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n M\u0259n q\u0131z\u0131l kimi bir o\u011flan tan\u0131d\u0131m. Maraql\u0131 bir \u015fey dan\u0131\u015f\u0131m siz\u0259. M\u0259n \u201cr\u0259hm\u0259tlik hiss el\u0259yirdi \u00f6l\u0259c\u0259yini. Evd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xana u\u015faqlar\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 tap\u015f\u0131rd\u0131\u201d kimi a\u011f\u0131lar\u0131 m\u00f6vhumat v\u0259 \u015fi\u015firtm\u0259 say\u0131ram. Amma valideynl\u0259 \u00f6vlad aras\u0131nda fiziki ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6z n\u00fcmun\u0259md\u0259n bilir\u0259m. \u0130brahim day\u0131 \u00f6l\u0259n g\u00fcn bizim he\u00e7 n\u0259d\u0259n x\u0259b\u0259rimiz yox idi. Amma h\u0259min g\u00fcn ax\u015fam m\u0259n \u015eahin\u0259 az\u0131 10 d\u0259f\u0259 dedim ki, \u201cn\u0259 olub s\u0259n\u0259?\u201d. Onsuz da panda olan \u015eahin h\u0259min g\u00fcn ayaq \u00fcst\u0259 \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc el\u0259 bil. Hals\u0131z, kefsiz, boynu b\u00fck\u00fck otururdu.\n<\/p>\n

\n Amma \u015eahin tezlikl\u0259 toparlanma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131. X\u0259b\u0259ri e\u015fid\u0259n g\u00fcn bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 israr el\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, namaz q\u0131lmad\u0131. Lakin ert\u0259si g\u00fcn\u00fc b\u00fct\u00fcn q\u0259zalar\u0131n\u0131 q\u0131ld\u0131, \u00e7oxlu dua el\u0259di. Azadl\u0131qdan bir g\u00fcn \u0259vv\u0259l is\u0259 m\u0259niml\u0259 xeyli pul qazanmaq, t\u0259hsil almaq yollar\u0131n\u0131 m\u00fczakir\u0259 etdi. \u00c7\u0259tin h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131n a\u011f\u0131r m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini d\u0259rk edirdi. T\u00fcrm\u0259 adam\u0131 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r kobudla\u015fd\u0131rsa da, adamda olan u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131 hans\u0131sa d\u0259rinlikd\u0259 qoruyur. \u015eahin tutulanda 17 ya\u015f\u0131nda idi, amma 13-14 ya\u015fl\u0131 u\u015faq kimi idi. Azadl\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131xanda da bu u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 qorumu\u015fdu. 17 ya\u015f\u0131ndan \u0259n yax\u0131n dostu atas\u0131n\u0131 yaln\u0131z d\u0259mir barmaql\u0131q arxas\u0131ndan, \u0259li qandall\u0131 g\u00f6r\u0259n \u015eahin 19 ya\u015f\u0131nda q\u0259fl\u0259t\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259y\u0259 m\u0259hkum v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 azadl\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131.\n<\/p>\n

\n Bunlar\u0131 niy\u0259 yaz\u0131ram? Ax\u0131 bu nekroloq deyil. B\u0259s niy\u0259 yaz\u0131ram? Rusiyal\u0131 Engelqardt 1898-ci ild\u0259 \u201cT\u0259r\u0259qqi q\u0259ddarl\u0131\u011f\u0131n t\u0259kam\u00fcl\u00fc kimi\u201d \u0259s\u0259rind\u0259 yaz\u0131rd\u0131 ki, Dikkens realist deyil. \u00c7\u00fcnki Oliver Tvist kimi xilas olan u\u015faqlar yox say\u0131lacaq q\u0259d\u0259r nadir istisnalard\u0131r. Dikkensin ba\u015f q\u0259hr\u0259man\u0131 h\u0259min \u0259s\u0259rd\u0259ki y\u0259hudinin yan\u0131nda o\u011furluqla m\u0259\u015f\u011ful olan, ax\u0131rda as\u0131lacaq u\u015faqlardan biri olsa idi, bu, realizm olard\u0131. Bu g\u00fcn bir film\u0259 baxd\u0131m \u2013 \u201cH\u0259yat oldu\u011fu kimi\u201d. Sonluq Dikkensin realizmi sayaq \u201chappy end\u201d olsa da, filmin ad\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 \u015eahini xat\u0131rlatd\u0131.\n<\/p>\n

\n \u015eahinin ya\u015fad\u0131qlar\u0131 h\u0259yat\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcd\u00fcr \u2013 oldu\u011fu kimi. M\u00fcbariz\u0259nin romantikas\u0131 haqq\u0131nda x\u0259yallara dalanda h\u0259yat\u0131 da d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k laz\u0131md\u0131r. Dikkensin \u201chappy end\u201d-li \u201creal\u201d h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 yox, Engelqardt\u0131n inki\u015faf etdikc\u0259 q\u0259ddarla\u015fan s\u0259rt realizmini – \u0259sl h\u0259yat\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k laz\u0131md\u0131r. Bu yol \u00e7\u0259tin yoldur. Ax\u0131 ham\u0131 \u015eahin ola bilmir. Atas\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnd\u0259n sonra 2 g\u00fcn\u0259 toparlan\u0131b ail\u0259sinin m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini d\u0259rk ed\u0259n \u015eahin olmaq \u00e7\u0259tindir.\n<\/p>\n

\n Bu yol \u00e7\u0259tindir. Bura gir\u0259nd\u0259 bilmirs\u0259n ki, bir g\u00fcn s\u0259ni \u0259lind\u0259n tutub m\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 aparan baban s\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 damarlar\u0131n\u0131 do\u011fray\u0131b \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u0259 bil\u0259r; atan\u0131n \u00fcr\u0259yi partlay\u0131b par\u00e7a-par\u00e7a ola bil\u0259r. Ham\u0131s\u0131 s\u0259nin h\u0259bsin\u0259 d\u00f6zm\u0259diyin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259. \u018fsas sual budur: s\u0259nin bu yolu tutdu\u011funa g\u00f6r\u0259 ba\u015fqalar\u0131, x\u00fcsus\u0259n, valideynl\u0259rin \u0259zab \u00e7\u0259km\u0259lidirl\u0259rmi? Bu, cavab t\u0259l\u0259b etm\u0259y\u0259n ritorik sual deyil. Bu, t\u0259kidl\u0259 cavab t\u0259l\u0259b ed\u0259n a\u011f\u0131r bir suald\u0131r. Dey\u0259s\u0259n, yeni g\u0259l\u0259nl\u0259r bu suala cavab verib sonra biz\u0259 qo\u015fulmal\u0131 olacaqlar.<\/p>\n

19.10.2014 B\u0130T<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00c7arpay\u0131da yan\u0131mda oturanda titr\u0259yirdi<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":19229,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_sitemap_exclude":false,"_sitemap_priority":"","_sitemap_frequency":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[57],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-166677","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-menim-fikrimce","infinite-scroll-item","generate-columns","tablet-grid-50","mobile-grid-100","grid-parent","grid-33","no-featured-image-padding"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nH\u0259yat oldu\u011fu kimi - MEYDAN.TV<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.meydan.tv\/az\/article\/heyat-oldugu-kimi\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"az_AZ\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"H\u0259yat oldu\u011fu kimi - 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